“Paris is always a good idea,” declared Audrey Hepburn. I thought that moving to Paris was a great idea until we were living in Paris. If you’re coming here because you love Paris, you will probably love Paris (most of the time). If you’re not a Francophile or you love to judge strangers, you will want to read this 3,000 word long article on why we don’t like living in Paris as expats and why we’re leaving France. This is my opinion about being an expat in Paris and based on MY experiences living in Paris, so please read it before judging me. I’ve included lots of pretty photos of Paris to compensate for being such a negative Nancy.
We’ve been living in Paris for two months. If you’re here to tell me that I haven’t tried hard enough or that two months isn’t long enough, try to read a bit before you judge me. This is the most personal post I’ve written in a while. As a note, I’m American and we’ve lived in the Netherlands and Belgium (briefly). This are my country comparison points.
Most important fact to get out of the way: It’s a privilege to live abroad, especially in Paris.
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There are plenty of things about Paris that I love: the architecture, food, wine, ability to travel within Europe, and rich cultural heritage of France. I adore France otherwise, but I’ll have lots more about great things to do around France as well as Paris soon. As a travel blogger and someone who is into history/culture, I absolutely had a blast going around Paris exploring secret Paris and pursuing my passion of writing. However, I worked full-time in a very different career before we moved to France, which was a fairly quick decision with a fast turnaround (1 month). I’ll write more about the things I love about Paris soon, however there’s a lot of things I don’t like about living in France and this post is about my reasons for not wanting to live in Paris anymore.
I’ve felt like there was something broken in ME for not loving living in Paris. That said, I’ve sacrificed a lot to be here, including my previous career and my financial independence. I thought that I’d enjoy living in Paris and it would click, so I kept putting off writing this although I thought about writing it a million times. However, Paris never clicked. I’ve posted a version of this in an expat group, and I was floored by the overwhelmingly positive response, including messages from people who felt like they couldn’t SAY it to anyone. It’s okay if you don’t love your new expat home.
So, my reasons why we’ve not loved living in Paris, and why we’ve left Paris…
I’m not a Francophile.
I think that it helps to be infatuated with French culture although it’s not a guarantee that you’ll love living in Paris. If you’re someone obsessed with France, it’s easy to pinch yourself in the bad moments and say I LIVE IN PARIS! Good for you, but the rest of us are here dodging dog poop on the sidewalk and hoping that the pickpockets won’t take our wallets on the Metro. (Side note: I love the Metro. Maybe I’m weird, but it’s a fantastic subway system!)
Dog Poop
I’m so tired of stepping in dog poop. I’m almost ready to buy little bags for every person I see with a dog. Just clean up after your dog. I have a cat, and I do the litter box regularly.
Paris is not what I thought it would be
I never expected Paris to be like a movie (like some starry eyed Americans), but a lot of people come here anticipating it to be a dream full of champagne, the Eiffel tower, pretty dresses, macarons, and romance. I was never that person, and if you come here starry-eyed, you might be disappointed. However, my husband got a competitive job offer in Paris and on paper, it looked good, and we thought that we’d live comfortably here as the cost of living in Paris seemed not so different from the
cost of living in Amsterdam. It’s a big city and as someone who grew up in New York City, I left New York as I didn’t want to live in a big city.
I’ve heard from a lot of expats who moved to Paris for love that it’s been really hard to break into their fields like they hoped that they would, even with fluent French. Don’t underestimate how competitive the expat job market is in Paris.
My biggest reason for not wanting to live in Paris: Paris expats unable to work
A lot of trailing spouses who move to France are unable to work due to visa restrictions. (Trailing spouses are the name for spouses who follow their significant other when their spouse gets a good job abroad.) I was luckier than a lot of spouses that I was granted the ability to work due to an uncommon visa.
However, I was locked out of the labor market for my career path as a non-fluent French speaker. As someone with a graduate degree and international work experience, I was deeply frustrated to see the gap in my CV growing and the only work that I could get involved switching careers/industries. I have worked in the service industry, but that was years ago.
I had invested time in getting a Masters degree and work experience in my chosen professional career. However, I really wanted to continue my career in Paris. I hoped that my previous experience working internationally in another European language would help for more international companies. However, English-only positions often asked for fluent French. Given the state of the expat job market in Paris (which is quite competitive), being a specialist isn’t always enough for getting a job as a non-fluent French speaker (although it can be).
While in Paris, I met a number of expats who moved to France for love who didn’t have specialized educational degrees past a college degree (if they did). That situation made it very difficult for them to be competitive on the general job market despite being intelligent, well-educated people with a good level of French. If you’re reading this thinking on how to make your move to France go smoother, I really suggest becoming fluent in French and pursuing a good professional degree from a French university if you don’t have a Masters. Similarly, a bachelor’s degree is important if you don’t have one. A friend of mine has a M.B.A. from a French university and that degree has certainly helped her in France.
Back to my situation in Paris: Not being able to find good work has made me dependent on my husband. I typically don’t write about our relationship; however, Paris has shifted our relationship dynamic from one where both of us kept independent finances to one where I was dependent on him for paying the rent. For some people, this is fine, but I was not comfortable with it. I prefer our dual income lifestyle where I had more independence, even if it gave me the flexibility to pursue my passions.
I feel for those reading this who have to wait a year plus to be allowed to work, only to struggle to find jobs, particularly ones that aren’t set aside for English speakers (e.g., au pair/teaching English).
Living in Paris is not the same as visiting Paris
I had visited Paris some years ago, and I enjoyed Paris a lot after staying with a local who took the time to show me her favorite places. Living in Paris is not like visiting Paris. Real Paris is expensive and seven euro beers (for a pint) made me cringe. When you live in a city and deal with the bureaucracy and mess, you see it for what it is, and Paris involves a lot of persistence/resilience. I always thought I was a persistent person, but maybe I’m not that tough.
All the magical things about visiting Paris aren’t the same when you live here. The Metro is packed during rush hour and the charming hours of the shops become a lot less so when you forget to go grocery shopping on a Saturday for Sunday (when everything is closed). It’s still a gorgeous city, and I remember this whenever I find a beautiful quiet street or look out at the rooftops from the window of my double chambre de bonne.
Being on vacation with minimal concerns about money is very different than living in a city with a limited income that is split between food, groceries, bills, and other things that normal people pay. I can’t go out to lovely restaurants every day. The city is still so instagrammable, but instagram isn’t always pretty behind the scenes.
That said, I’ve loved playing tourist in Paris while living in Paris. However, that doesn’t really dictate how you live in a city. I’ve been become obsessed with “secret streets” around Paris and just exploring all the different arrondissements. However, you can’t play tourist 24/7 if you’re living in Paris if you need to earn money. My husband rarely got to experience this side of Paris while working full time and really felt like he missed out a bit on the better parts of Paris without the crowds as a result.
The bureaucracy
Every single Parisian resident hates dealing with the bureaucracy. I’ve wasted so many hours of my life sitting in the prefecture waiting room. Sometimes you go, wait five hours, and you’re told that you need to go to another office by a civil servant who criticizes your French on your first day in France. Then, you manage to reach another office on the phone and you’re told that the original office was correct. Then, you return, wait for four hours, and you’re advised that you need to go to a different office. It’s a cycle of frustration. If you don’t speak French at all, it will not go well without a translator and there are people in the expat community who specialize in this. That said, try it out without one and see how it goes. It might go terribly.
High cost of living in Paris / Housing market in Paris
Compared to New York City and London, Paris seems somewhat okay. However, compared to other European capitals, it’s pricey. As someone acutely pointed out to me, it’s my fault for wanting to live in Paris proper for my first couple months. We pay over 1,200 euros for a double chambre de bonne. A normal chambre de bonne is a former servant’s room around 10 square meters with a shared toilet with 6+ apartments. It is up on the sixth floor of the building up a narrow staircase.
As the housing market is so tight, a filthy furnished apartment can be rented for an obscene amount of money because it’s a good neighborhood and an old building. Also, real estate agents want to see your assets and contracts, so without a second income or some assets, it’s hard to qualify for decent rental apartments in Paris due to the income ratios that require making around three times the rent. Having a non-working spouse will not help much in this situation.
My biggest issue is the cost of groceries (although it’s cheaper in the suburbs). French food is excellent, and the quality of food in Paris is great. We shop for veggies at the local markets. However, a “cheap” healthy dinner in Paris can cost us up to 15 euros for two people. In Amsterdam or Brussels, the average meal that was 100% equivalent would cost about 10 euros. Similarly, the cost of going out for drinks can be a bit crippling at times where a pint of beer can easily be 7.50 not during happy hour. (It’s way more affordable to buy a cheap bottle of decent French wine for about 5 euros from Monoprix. That said, I absolutely loved the wine in Paris, however being on a tighter food budget dictated wine less often.)
As a note, I was delighted by how affordable and GOOD healthcare and education are in France. Although we don’t have kids, I could definitely see how you can save thousands of dollars compared to living in the United States.
I’m not fluent in French.
I’m not bad, but I’m also not good at French. I stumble around hoping that nobody will notice how terrible it is (they all notice), and when you’re dealing with anything official, you need to know French. Similarly, to find work in Paris, it’s best* if you’re fluent in French. *If not, at least B2/C1 level is what people want to see, so if you’re intending on finding a job in Paris, work on your French for a while as you’ll need it for everyday things even if the job itself isn’t in French. (That said, Parisians have a decent level of English, so I’m a bit shocked when people complain about English not being spoken well here.) We ended up here by mistake, however, if I had known that we were moving here a year ago, I would have started French classes.
My bigger issue regarding French in Paris is being locked out of the job market for my career due to the language barrier. Before you tell me that it’s naive to move to a country without being fluent in their language, I intended to become fluent long-term and I moved for my husband’s work, not my own. We only had about 1 month to figure out our move to France after deciding to move to France. It was a bit spontaneous, unplanned, and not really the best decision given that my French isn’t good. I started learning immediately after we decided to go to France and I have multiple French books that I worked through while living in Paris. I realize that knowing French CAN change your life in France, however it’s impossible to become fluent within only one month.
What nobody tells you about living in Paris:
You can’t complain to anyone
When you’re unhappy as an expat, especially in a place like Paris, it’s really difficult because you can’t talk to your non-expat friends about being unhappy abroad. They often tell you that you’re lucky to live abroad in Paris (Reminder: You are!) and that they’d kill to be in your shoes in PARIS. (Paris can only be written in CAPS when you’re reminding someone else that they’re living [your dream] in PARIS.) I’ve experienced this quite a few times, and it’s tough because you want to be close with people, but if you cannot be honest about your feelings with a close friend asks you how living in Paris is, … simply, you feel fake. Similarly, when you meet new people in Paris, it’s tough to gauge the degree that you can discuss how you feel about living in Paris as an expat without risking your new friendship. As a result, I’ve rarely had an outlet for my frustration.
EVEN ON THE INTERNET.
You’d think that the various expat groups on the internet would be a good outlet for this, however many people in the expat groups in Paris seem to find it impossible to allow others to be HONEST about their feelings by telling others that they can leave if they’re unhappy. Similarly, according to some folks, it’s always your fault: there’s something wrong with YOU, you never tried enough, your French isn’t good enough, or some decision that you’ve made has been terrible. That’s the thing: I know myself and I’ve been able to shake it off, but if you’re in a bad situation, it really doesn’t help to be told that it’s your fault and you should leave if Paris isn’t working out like you hoped.
Remember that what is someone else’s dream doesn’t need to be YOUR dream. It’s easy to let the expectations of others weigh on you and bottle up the anxiety/frustrations that come with trying to make life abroad in Paris work. Being an expat is NEVER easy, especially being an expat in Paris. Many expats say that it gets better after a year while others say that living in Paris becomes less bothersome over time as you learn how to deal with the bureaucracy. However, many of these expats never really fall in love with Paris if it never clicked from the beginning although many head to other French cities and love living in France. They’re often in a love/hate relationship with Paris. However, they’re at peace with their decision to live here (potentially with their French spouse) and at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with airing your frustrations.
Hello grumpy Paris expats reading this….
To all the Paris expats reading this who are relieved to read someone who’s not glamorizing Paris, I hope you enjoyed this blog post. Being honest with yourself and others feels great. There’s nothing wrong with being honest about your feelings although not everyone will want to hear it.
If you’re living in Paris and not happy here, I give you a lot of credit, and I hope things improve for you soon. Facing your unhappiness is difficult and hard, but there are two ways to solve unhappiness: to face it head-on or wait for it to pass. You don’t know how long it will take until you’re happy and I think that it’s important to take steps to combat your unhappiness to become happy again.
There is power in recognizing that you’re unhappy because it means that you can start taking steps to be happier whether it’s leaving or finding something fulfilling to spend your time doing. That said, I do recommend trying to see a therapist as they can really help you deal with depression if you’re dealing with that.
I wrote this post about living in Paris as a way of making others not feel so isolated for feeling this way about Paris and I hope this made you feel less alone. It’s not all sunshines, sunrises without tourists ruining the view, and delicious pastries. Don’t be afraid to share your story. You would be surprised how many people feel the same way. I’ve also been delighted by the Grumpy Expat Facebook group, which is a place where you can share all your negative Nancy rants about hating Paris. Seriously, let that frustration go.
To prospective Parisian expats….
If you’re moving to Paris, I wish you the best of luck. It’s a TOUGH city, but I hope you love it. It’s not for everyone. However, it’s really hard to know before you move to a new city (or country) if you’re going to love it or hate it. I hoped that I would love being an expat in Paris, but I was wrong. There’s absolutely no shame in trying out living in Paris and being honest with yourself if it doesn’t FEEL right. Just be realistic.
If you came here to write: YOU SHOULD LEAVE
For everyone who came here to tell me that I should leave, I left some months ago. Feel free to raise your glass of wine.
To the keyboard psychologists/everyone hate-reading this…
At the end of the day, can we just be understanding (and maybe even supportive) of other people’s decisions without being judgmental? I don’t understand this pushback in the anglophone expat community when someone says that they’re not happy in Paris. It seems that everyone is a psychologist and you’ll receive a free session analyzing everything that you’ve done wrong and/or how you’re a horrible unhappy person who would be unhappy everywhere.
I was happy before we moved to Paris. We were forced to move due to our visas expiring, so I think that has impacted my experience in Paris considerably as I spent years learning Dutch and
integrating into the Netherlands only to restart from square zero. For me, the Netherlands is
my happy place that makes me feel at home although it has its own downsides/quirks (like everywhere). Nowhere is truly perfect.
If your expat life in Paris is good complete with amazing friends, the perfect apartment, dinner parties, Seine picnics, and/or the perfect partner, good for you. I truly mean that. Finding your happy place is tough and if living in Paris makes you happy, I’m happy for you.
I simply encourage you to let others have a safe place online (or even to your face) to air their feelings as bottling unhappiness is bad. Instead of analyzing WHY they are unhappy, let them feel comfortable to talk about it. You can encourage them to find hobbies that make them happy or even see a psychologist if they’re dealing with depression. Not everyone is looking for pointers on how to improve, so unless you’re a certified psychologist, consider if it’s productive to point out these issues.
If there’s only one takeaway from this article for you, think when you hear that someone is having a difficult time adjusting when moving abroad. Be sympathetic and understanding. A listening ear can be really important when you’re feeling alone and sometimes you don’t need to say anything if you can’t be supportive. Or even better, be supportive.
Update 1:
We’re officially on our last day in Paris. I’ve fallen in love with parts of this city, the food, the wine, and I’ve made some fantastic friends. I don’t regret leaving at this point. However, I’m still excited to return as a tourist to see more of Paris and France There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being honest with yourself and moving on with your life. Happiness is something that we should all aspire to no matter where it may be: Paris or elsewhere.
So, tell me… Are you happy in Paris? What do you love/hate about Paris? What have I leave out or get wrong about being a Paris expat?
Please tell me how YOU feel about living in Paris.
That said, this is NOT a typical article for this blog before you judge my entire blog based on this one article as I don’t usually write about expat related issues. If you’re looking for pragmatic, helpful, and honest tips for travel in Europe, you’re in the right place. If you want to read some more inspiring guides to Paris, click for an off the beaten path Paris guide and a guide to the covered passages in Paris.
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Karen & Jacob. American expats and cat lovers from New York City and Kentucky who lived in Amsterdam.... Then, Paris. (Confusing, we know!) Now, we're living in The Hague, the Netherlands.
My friend moved to Paris for work (she’s fluent in French though) but I was shocked to learn that her hours were exactly the same as back home in Singapore (ending around midnight – 1am almost every day). Many people think of the much-vaunted 35-hour work week or whatever it is but the truth is, it’s a lot more complicated. Thanks for sharing!
I have lived in Paris for almost 3 months..I am not happy with the vibe so far and the job market is horrendous but am hanging in there as my spouse is French but would not recommend living in Paris otherwise. Unless you are a student OR a person that receives an excellent job offer just avoid! I find the vibe a health hazard.
Don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split you 😉
Thank you for posting this! My arrival in Paris was really tough and everywhere I turned everyone was acting like living in Paris was a dream and there was something wrong with me for having a hard time.
After 8 years I love Paris, but I think I would love anyplace I chose to live in for that long. But when people tell me they have just arrived I want to give them a big hug and tell them “It gets better”. Then slap them across the face to prepare them for living here.
Hi…I get encouraged to move to Paris when I hear and in the long run all gets better….one thing I would like to know more is about race and and age dismrimination. I think an honest desire to learning the French language would make any struggle easier
Lived in Paris almost 5 years as a biracial woman (African/Caucasian). I was constantly mistaken for an Arab woman, and mocked for, in their biased eyes, pretending to be a Christian (which I am born and raised). I also come from an educated middle class, which seemed impossible for them to understand or believe. Since their unbearable hate for that ethnic group and their main religion is real, I got bullied basically everyday and discriminated daily basis in any place. From my looks they seemed to feel entitled to treat me like a threat or a ruthless immoral person ready to do something wrong. I had never felt this anywhere in the world, and it did give me a stress disorder and depression. I was also expatriated with my husband and managed to work, as I speak fluent French. Other than that, the city is vibrant with talented people, arts, cultural events, fine cuisine and beautiful sight-seeings –
in the banlieues as well. The work environment and conditions are good but – among Parisians – quite prone to indirect bullying (so they feel sadistically satisfied but leave no evidence for complaints). We ended up leaving as we wanted to feel safe and healthier in another place. Overall, Paris is worth it if you are thick-skinned.
As far as the job market here, it is tough. There are A LOT of highly educated people competing for low paying English teaching jobs. If I wanted to be a teacher or work with kids, or had any talent for that, I think I would have noticed before I moved to Paris.
I didn’t go to college, so I worked my way up to a well paying office job in the US. It is not that I am “above” being a waitress. But expecting me to be happy doing that after paying my dues and getting to the point where I had skills beyond that felt like going backwards.
I don’t blame you for not wanting to sit around hoping that your French would improve and that a well paying job would open up in your field here eventually. Good for you for realizing it wasn’t worth it, wasn’t working, and finding something that would.
I think it is brave to put your thoughts down in a post and I admire you for doing so. Too many people only talk about the good points of being an expat and often shun letting people know that at times, it can be freaking hard. Not every city is meant for every person. When I first moved abroad, I hated Bergen, Norway. Visiting there was awesome, but living there?! Hell no. Just like what you said, visiting and living in a place is different. I later traveled to Oslo and hated it. Then I randomly moved there on a whim and LOVED it. Everyone’s story is different. I think so many expats get caught up in comparison games with everyone else instead of acknowledging that not everyone’s experience is the same. I know people who love living in Germany and have had no issue w/ the visa office. That is not my story. Paris IS a great place to live for some people… you’re just not one of them and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.
PS: Germans refrain from picking up dog poo too. I’m tempted to make an instructional video and have it ready to hand out when I see someone not doing it 😛
I love how you touched on the bureaucracy! That is a pain. I came with a PROPER job from the Ministry of EDUCATION teaching English and I still struggled. No one was there to help. They gave me the stuff I needed and told me to go to the offices and deal with it. Of course, the people in the office was not helpful AT ALL. They just told me to wait or to go to another office and my French was terrible as well. I just had to keep pushing words out of a dictionary until people GET me and thank god they did but it’s almost hopeless. I lived there for 8.5 years and I try to avoid the topic of “Ohh.. how was PARIS?” I wish that I got to see the city (as a visit) rather than living there because now I can never go back and see how WONDERFUL it can be. How long were you there? I’m glad you expressed your frustrations because I GET IT. Where will you head to next? Best of luck!
Karen, I lived in Paris for a year and a half and I had exact the same experience and I was living on a room with my daughter just like you and your hubby…I had all my UN paperwork and still didn’t get the ‘dossier’ for a proper house because I was not working in Paris, I was just willing to spend my money!! I could add some things but you have in a short period of time pretty much said it all! Plus clients are NEVER F***ing right arghh and I am fluent in French! Plus the dog poop thing!!!People would look to us in disgust for picking up after our dog, for realzzz!!!
I’m so glad to read this post – someone digging deep and being honest about the realities of being an expat abroad.
I’m an expat in Greece – luckily I like it/love it…but there are the same frustrations re: bureaucracy and the dog poo (I’m glad someone else commented here that Germany has the same issue there).
I’ve heard so many stories of French bureaucracy and to be honest, I think it’s a national pastime, in their DNA to be awkward (I may get backlash for saying that!)
But truly; good on you for being honest. Too much blogging and travel posts are about how ‘great everything is’ and yes, whilst we do recognise that we’re privileged to travel, we’re not always going to be happy in the places we end up.
I wish you well.
First of all, it’s not so easy and glamorous to be an expat no matter where you live. London is our fourth city in 7 years and the first place I’m able to work, but it’s still not easy. I understand. I love taking the Eurostar to visit Paris, but I would expect living there to be entirely different like you said. Same in London. I like living here, but i don’t like the crowds, the tourists, the stupid bureaucracy, how expensive it is and how totally British the Brits can be sometimes! 😉
Best of luck wherever you end up next!
I laughed out loud when I read about your horror over the dog poop everywhere. Absolutely. I’ve been here for 3 years and I can validate all your complaints. I however love Paris and feel like its home, so I’m dealing with the “issues”.
It was so tough in the beginning, though and then it got better. Its your choice not to give it more time, but Paris takes more than a couple months to get used to.
I’m sorry you have been so unhappy, thanks for being honest, and best of luck in your next home.
Hi Karen,
I love this post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
The following notes are as much for others looking to make the most of their expat experience, as much as being a response to yourself. Please indulge me 😉
Although I’ve only been to Paris a few times, I’ve been in Lyon for 2 years and was in Brussels for 3 years before that and your experiences resonate on a few levels.
I’m the trailing spouse in our family and – with the missus working long hours and me looking after the kids but having developed little French (possibly B1/2 level) – it has been a tough row to hoe.
While we were totally blessed with my wife’s work paying for a relocation agent in each instance, it was *still* tough (while Belgian bureaucracy wasn’t as nightmarish as the French, just horrendous) and I don’t envy anyone going through the abstractions and inconsistencies of that special kind of hell. Get help.
That said, I’m extremely grateful for the people – expats and locals alike – who have been willing to help us, out of the goodness of their hearts. I subscribe to an expat maxim of “pay it forward” – if you see someone who’s obviously new – even in the supermarket – and you can help, then do it! Karen, you touched on people responding as armchair psychologists (i.e. don’t), so suffice it to say that I know that depression is a real thing for expats, so they need to be proactive and get help.
If moving to France or Belgium and looking to continue an office-based career without having a role secured beforehand, I can only say to do your work as an independant / external consultant. As you outlined Karen, the job market is tough, even separate from any consideration of visas and language. Seek professional advice on doing this – there are expat advisors around. Get help.
Anyway, there’s a recurring theme. If you know of any resources to draw on for navigating the vagaries and pressures of expat life – suck the marrow from it! Enjoy the good parts of expat life (there are many) but don’t be proud/ignorant/stupid about how to make life easier and better.
That said, sometimes life in a particular place just doesn’t click. Karen, I’m sure you’ve been asked this – and I don’t mean to “teach you to suck eggs” – but I’m interested to know if had you considered Lyon? The easy TGV ride goes between the two cities in less than two hours. While not as picture-postcard perfect as Paris it is still quite lovely, it’s much cheaper, the food and wine are even better, and the people aren’t too bad, either… 😉
Again, thanks for your post. I’ve now subscribed and look forward to reading more of your adventures!
I was just looking at the date of this article, it’s only a couple of days ago! I have moved to paris a couple of weeks back, and I think I am still on the pink cloud of living in Paris (and in love :)) Though I *completely* agree with you on all the things you’ve wrote. The level of bureaucracy is insane. I come from the Netherlands and my French boyfriend couldn’t believe his eys when I walked into the municipality to pick up my passport, put in my date of birth, go re-directed to the right person and was out in less than 5 minutes. Bureaucracy, not being efficient and oh boy don’t even get me started on the landlords. After we finally found a home for a rental price equal to that of a kidney on the black market, we didn’t have a window in our living room for four weeks. It’s insane, and as Dutch person (I like to think of myself being pretty efficient) it drives me nuts. I still love Paris, but with just a little effort it could be so much better. Just be open to other things. This is 2017, not everybody speaks french, make an effort to either talk slower or explain in less complicated words. I have booked an appointment at a hairdresser who got irritated after 1 minute (and I speak a decent word of French, I’d say level B2) because I don’t know all the terms yet: balayage? Is that the same as in english, ombre is that not a balayage, and what exactly is a pantine…. I have no idea because he talked SO fast…. So I guess I’ll see what it looks like on Thursday. Oh and if I can rant about one thing…. Social! Anything social just doesnt exist! When we first moved in I introduced myself to our neighbour on the same floor, who now probably has the idea that I want to hook up, because “we don’t introduce ourselves here”. I.e. you could be living on the same floor as someone for years and not know them…. So weird! During our move the door flew shut due to the wind, we had to ring the door at another neighbour to ask if we could use the phone. She opened the door, let us call, took the phone back and closed the door. I told my boyfriend that if that happened to me, I would let the people in, have a coffee and a chat, I mean it’s cold and you’re standing in the hallway and you live in the same building right? Nope! Not here. You mind your own business. That’s a big thing I just don’t understand. Anyway: I hope you will find a nice new place to live in in a nice city and think back of your Paris experience as another life lesson on what makes you happy!
Hi Veronique,
Funnily enough we’re moving back to the Netherlands 😉 Your post made me laugh a little especially about the apartment.
I had actually a really funny experience in an old building in Amsterdam. As an American it’s a bit weird to be so friendly with your neighbors beyond saying hi (when you feel like it). As a result, I never was very careful about really greeting my neighbors, just the ones that I liked/knew well. Anyways, my one neighbor was horribly offended by my husband not always greeting him and wrote me a long note. We went back and forth with notes on the door (as I didn’t feel comfortable knocking on a neighbor’s door expecting them to be free without knowing their schedule) before he told me that it was rude that we communicated through notes. Anyways in the end, I invited him for coffee and we had a good relationship going forward. It’s funny how cultural differences dictate such different neighbor behavior. 😉
I would not know the difference between those terms in English…so I hope that your hair turns out okay. I thought balayage was similar to ombre….but oops.
Hopefully paris becomes warmer and your neighbor relationships improve just a little. 😉
Hi Karen, thanks for sharing! This post echoes a lot of what I’ve gone through in Germany, especially the job situation and not speaking the language fluently. Sometimes the braver decision really is to call a spade a spade and work towards finding a better fit! Wishing you all the best back in the Netherlands, from one expat to another.
I think you’re brave for being honest. I love Paris and have spent a lot of time there and have learned French for it, I love it so. BUT- living long term somewhere is a whole different ballgame. People don’t often think about the bureaucracy and how long it takes to get stuff done there and how expensive it is- because it is! I still love it, but like all cities, it has a dark side too. I like what you said and my advice I would add is before you think moving to Paris is a fairytale, research it as thoroughly as possible, talk to others who have spent a lot of time there and lived there and find out about the bureaucracy and what it takes to work there, get a place to live, etc. Just like you did. I tell people frequently that it’s one of the worst things you can do, move somewhere or go for an extended time thinking only of the fairytale aspect. It’s a setup for massive struggle and disappointment, when it’s already difficult enough. Be realistic. Thank you for your awesome post and honesty!❤️
I loved this post! As a real francophile ( for the past 16 years I have spent a couple of months every summer in the south ) every one always assumes that I LOVE Paris. I hate Paris, and spend as little time there as possible. And while I know some of the issues remain country-wide (the bureaucracy!) somehow they are just magnified in Paris. Sort of like NYC. I live here because of my job, and when I finally moved here for work, I thought it would amazing…parties, fabulous people and amazing clothes. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It’s filthy, it’s noisy, it’s expensive and it will grind you down. So, I hear ‘ya! I am glad you are going back to a place that feels like home to you! Life is just too short.
Thanks very much for your story and insights about living in Paris. I went through a similar experience when I moved to Japan many years ago without Japanese language skills or an understanding of how different cultures can be from one another. I ended up staying in Japan for 16 years and learning Japanese. Then I went to Hong Kong where most everyone in the business world speaks English, so at least there was not much language pressure. After 16 years in Hong Kong, I left and moved to rural France in 2013. My high school French is much better than a few years ago and, unlike Paris, the people here are very patient with my efforts and mistakes. I have kind and helpful French neighbors and have met other Americans and some lovely Brits who are fun and supportive. There’s even an Indian restaurant not far away, so it isn’t totally monocultural here.
I’ve been an expat for over 30 years and am now a permanent immigrant in France – I’ll never move back to the US. But – I live in the countryside in Normandy with access to Paris in two hours by car or train. It’s great to be surrounded by nature and the life here is far different from the one in Paris. I go to Paris now and then to see clients or visit an exhibition and I’m always so glad to get home to my little farm and my animals. I’m at a different stage of life than you but can understand how frustrating it would be not to be able to work. I’m no longer full-time in the corporate world and, fortunately, my work is portable and I work mainly by phone, WebEx and Zoom.
Being an expat / immigrant is never simple or easy and people who’ve never done it underestimate the efforts involved and the toll it takes. But, being a global nomad has some wonderful upsides too. Enjoy your new life in the Netherlands and, if you ever come back to France, try life in the countryside.
Good on you for realizing that Parisian life isn’t for you. It’s definitely different than other big cities around the world. Even the French don’t like Paris. Parisians complain about everything! I feel you on the challenges of living here without a job, being dependent on your significant other, all while coping with depression because of your living situation. I’ve been in France for 2 years (1 in Paris) and still trying to find work. Anyway, I wish you luck on your next jouney in life. Thanks for sharing your story.
Oh man I can agree with pretty much all of this. Although I have not been in Paris, I was in Toulouse and now in another city in France. I’ve been abroad for the past 10 years, but my 5 years in France have definitely been the hardest and I speak fluent French. I never actually wanted to live in France but I fell in love with a Frenchman. I can’t even begin to go into all the details of how difficult it has been but the main problem has been working here. I have a Masters degree from a European Uni and still find things incredibly difficult. Among the beaurocratic problems, I do not like the outright judging of people (gets even worse when you have kids) and there are so few parks and green spaces that are walkable from the city. I have to say that I am so thankful I was in Toulouse and not Paris for that also. What I do love is the food, wine, social and cultural programs and going on holiday can sometimes be just an hour or two drive away. But I continually ask myself, is that all worth your soul?
I’m a “professional expat” who lived in France for 8 years – first in Orleans and then in Paris attending The Sorbonne where I attained my M.F.A. Granted, it was way back in the 1960’s but the attitudes of the Parisians hasn’t changed that much since then as I’ve been back many times since. What one has to remember is that Parisians hate EVERYONE that isn’t a long-time Parisian. They even hate other French from everywhere else in France. Parisians are spoiled little brats, arrogant, enabled and intolerant of any one but themselves. It even gets to the point where different sections of Paris don’t like those from other sections. The best advice is to locate in a small village or town on the outskirts of Paris where people are more friendly and tolerant of others. I loved Paris but strongly disliked Parisians themselves.
I had a professor that had left Paris to teach in Switzerland and he told me that when he came back after 4 years that he hated the people he once knew because they had determined he had deserted the “class” of people he once had as friends. He was treated as an outsider for years after he returned.
Another suggestion I strongly advise anyone thinking about living in Paris is to throw away all your clothes and buy everything in the Paris flea markets. Your clothes will not only look typical Parisian but will smell like it as well (not a bad thing but just different). Once you have that accomplished, you need to take up learning Paris “street French/slang” that will help disguise the fact that you are NOT a long-time Parisian. I learned both those lessons early on and adapted myself as quickly as possible and had no problems from that point on.
By the way, I speak, read and write French fluently. Still dream in French from time to time.
Have also lived and worked in Saudi Arabia for over 2 decades and living in Paris is a cakewalk in comparison.
I think it is absolutely incredible that you’re sharing your truth Karen. All too often, bloggers only talk about the positives in travel and living abroad which is so unrealistic. People expect such famous places to be just as magical as they are portrayed in the media, but that is simply not always true. I expected Paris to be a place that I would fall in love with; the architecture, the pastries, the atmosphere and all… But although the landmarks were absolutely breathtaking, the city itself left me very underwhelmed. There’s NOTHING wrong with telling your perspective of a destination. It’s healthy, so ignore the haters! Let’s make the blogging community a positive, honest place XXX
I love Paris and would love to try living there at some point. However, I could relate to your post on so many levels – just change Paris to Amsterdam!
I really liked Amsterdam the first time I came here as a tourist. It’s picturesque and fun – what’s not to love?
Then last year we found ourselves in a situation where we had to go from living full-time in London (my favourite city ever and our home for the last six years) to spending almost half of our time in Amsterdam (thanks, Brexit). We rented a lovely apartment in a lovely neighbourhood, but suddenly Amsterdam just lost its charm. I obviously still enjoyed many things about the city – the incredible architecture, the cycling, the flowers, the Musemkaart, the many nice restaurants, trips to Keukenhof, you name it – but these were almost overshadowed by the things that I disliked: it’s quite expensive, it’s not a great city for walking, there seem to be a lot of smokers around, the weather leaves a lot to be desired even for someone who grew up in a Nordic country, the cultural agenda looks practically empty when compared to that of London.. I could go on.
I had to make a conscious effort to simply start ignoring the negatives and focusing on the positives, and this has actually worked: Amsterdam still isn’t necessarily in the top-10 of the cities that I would like to live in, even part-time, but it’s probably in the top-15 and making its way up the list as we speak 🙂 I’m starting to like it more and more, and, now that I’m here, I’m willing to make the most of it.
That being said, if you have the option of moving from a city that you’re not crazy about back into a city that you really like, why wouldn’t you take it, and why wouldn’t you be honest about it? Hope you’re move back goes well, and thank you for a thought-provoking post!
This spoke to me so much! I’ve just been a trailing spouse (Is that what you called it?!) while my other half was on a dance scholarship in LA. I wanted to love it – and thought I would – but was pretty miserable for most of the time. It’s hard when people have such unrealistic views of cities – LA for the glamour, Paris for the romance – as they very rarely live up to expectation! xo
Really interesting perspective – I love reading the good and the bad about a place as it seems more realistic. As travelers, I think we’re hard on ourselves to love every place but it’s also important to remember that almost 1/2 of Americans have never lived anywhere but the state they grew up in. Moving to a new country is incredibly adventurous, something that probably goes unacknowledged in the expat community.
That said, I feel like a lot of these points (dog poop!) apply to many cities. I always said Chicago is a great city to visit, but living there, spending 3 hours a day commuting, is not so great.
I love this and appreciate the honestly. I just moved to Oslo and absolutely hated it, despite the great things I had heard about Norway. And now I’m leaving.
I can totally relate to this. We only spent 48 hours in Paris, but I knew right away that this was not the city for me. I’m glad I got to visit, it has so many beautiful buildings and landmarks, but it didn’t capture me the way London or New York did. I felt bad admitting that. It seems as though Paris is a place everybody with a brain should love, so it was refreshing to see your post and realize I’m not the only one enamored with the place 🙂
We’re on our second International move, now in Germany. Requiring local qualifications is huge here, so it’s probably best you didn’t go for Berlin as you were musing about in the FTB group. I’ve heard French bureaucracy is a particular nightmare, it wasn’t a picnic here or in the UK. Those first 4 months or so are full to the brim with that stuff. Again, in Germany, finding work is very difficult without fluent German, unless you come here with a job offer in hand. You’re very lucky to be able to leave so quickly – most people who move with work have at least 1-2 years to do or risk paying back the relocation package of 50-60k€ at a minimum. Sounds like you were able to get back to a place you’re happy, so that’s good.
Hi Erin, Thanks for your comment. I wonder how Berlin would have been, but maybe I’ll find out soon. That’s interesting to know about Germany.
I know we were very lucky to leave quickly. We didn’t get a typical expat relocation package, so leaving after a short time was possible as the company didn’t pay for our move. If it had not been, I’m sure that we would have stayed for a while and maybe it would have improved. A good friend of mine had this with a job and was forced to stay at least three years as a result.
Appreciate it. 🙂
I really enjoyed reading this piece and as an expat I can see exactly where you are coming from. I haven’t even been to Paris yet but I am longing to go as a tourist because I know my french (from Montreal) will never be good enough. I also have experienced the expat syndrome in Spain and had the same kinds of issues there. So I have decided that Ireland is my expat “home” for many of the reasons you spoke about. I also think Amsterdam is a brilliant city and would settle there personally just because I love the people and the country so much.
I’m not an expat and I’ve not spent a great deal of time in Paris, so I’m not sure I’m fulfilling your mandate of using the comments to tell you what I really think about that experience 😉 I’m simply here to say GOOD ON YOU for sharing your thoughts. I can tell how much time and effort and deliberation went into crafting this essay, you’ve clearly done a lot of soul searching in reaching this point, and I think you’ve been very fair and balanced in your approach. I’m really glad you’re moving on to chase your bliss elsewhere (life is too short, and every other hippie platitude you can imagine) – I’ve got my fingers crossed for you that your next experience is a more positive one for you 😉 Thank you SO much for sharing this! A great reminder to be open and honest about your feelings, especially when “the dream” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Life’s too short to live someone else’s dream.
Good for you to decide what is right for you and act on it rather than wasting your precious time.
I lived in Paris years ago as a student and so avoided much of the bureaucracy but knew it would never be home because I was an ocean away from my family and the language barrier would be a permanent wall between my family and any French family I might have joined. Nevermind the smoking, casual sexism, and permanent lower status of non-natives.
People who haven’t lived in a place (even if they have visited it) never will fully understand, so their opinions frankly are off base.
Like you, I love to visit (now with my American husband and kids). France is stunningly beautiful, endlessly charming, of unparalleled class and culture. Paris and so much more. We don’t have to be French or live in France to enjoy her.
Good luck re-integrating home (if indeed that is where you are going). I found re-entry much harder than adjusting to life abroad.
I love the honesty in your post and the fact that you provided a completely different picture of Paris. I agree that living in a place is whole different experience than visiting it for a short time. I am sorry you have to deal with this. Specially with work. I am an expat (not in Paris), and it does get very frustrating when you want to work but can’t find one without any fault of yours. The competition in market is unfortunately something that is beyond our control. I wish you well 🙂
Hey Karen,
This really resonated and I want to thank you for sharing such an honest perspective. I had a similar experience living in Sicily, Italy. I *love* Italy and lived in the north for four months before moving down to the island. But – exactly how you say: living somewhere is totally different to visiting; there are logistical things that you can’t know until you physically arrive and attempt to build a life there; plus, sometimes a place just isn’t for you, or isn’t for you at that time in your life.
When I tried to talk to friends back home about how miserable I was in Catania, I got some very cold responses. One of my best friends actually stopped speaking to me for a while. I too am aware that being an expat is a privilege, but that doesn’t mean that I should pretend that my life is perfect when it isn’t. Those cold responses from friends made me feel even more isolated at a time when I already felt alone.
However, the silver lining is now I know better and the experience taught me the things I should look for in a place before I move there and the personal things I need in a home in order to be happy there. Those are invaluable lessons. What’s great is that I now look back on those three months in Sicily fondly and I’m still in touch with all the friends I made there. Everything happens for a reason – there’s a lesson to be learnt in every challenge.
Wishing you the best with your move!
France is great to visit as a TOURIST.
Living there is a whole different story.
I’m glad to read your story Karen. I visited Paris for a few weeks before when I was quite young. I did enjoy my time there but I was with my fluent speaking aunt so we got around with ease. I will say I experienced a similar experience when I lived in Hawaii for a few years. I really did love it there but it was absolutely brutal at times. Living somewhere totally new, especially a foreign country is always tough and not feeling like you can talk openly about your struggles. I look forward to reading more about your experience in Paris and good luck in your move!
I love how raw and honest you were. It’s definitely not as glamorous to live somewhere as it is to visit. I’m honestly not a fan of Paris and I actually had a horrible time there. The people there were downright nasty to me and ruined my time there. It sucks that such a beautiful city had to be ruined by mean people. But I like to remain open minded and maybe give Paris another shot one day…now that I have thicker skin 🙂
I’m glad you had the courage to tell your truth, even if others may not like it. It is your blog after all 😉
I have lived in France and dealt with the bureaucracy and I know it can be a pain. I just happen to be one of those francophiles that is so in love with France that I just remind myself why it’s worth it. I can’t imagine going through it all without those feelings to keep you going, yikes!
Also, unfortunately the language thing just is what it is. I totally sympathize with the fact that moving to France was somewhat of a quick decision as opposed to something pre-planned along your life’s journey, hence the reason you aren’t fluent. Given all the circumstances the best thing to do was probably not live there anymore, so good for you! Wishing you the best on the rest of your journey!
Dear Karen,
.I can understand that you don’t like Paris.But how can you prétend to be a Paris expert after living only 2 months? since when you are an expat after spending 2 months in à country ?.You are excellent in marketing for sure….
Hi Edith,
Thank you for your delightful comment and your complimentary words about my marketing skills. 🙂
According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, an expatriate (often shortened to expat) means to leave one’s native country to live elsewhere. That is exactly what I did several years ago when I left the US and what I did when we moved to France legally. However, I see that my experiences in Paris aren’t sufficiently good enough for you. That’s fine and you’re welcome to your own opinion.
Best,
Karen
I can see how it would be a tough city to break into, especially with the language barrier. Language is a really big separator. I felt this way in MY OWN country in Miami believe it or not. I tried to live in NYC for 6 months and couldn’t take it, even though I LOVE visiting NYC. It seems like Paris for you and other may be that kind of city. One to visit but not to live in.
I love that you’ve written this. I fully understand your points and I have very similar feelings about my time living in Prague. It’s difficult when you live somewhere so fabulous and you’re made to feel ungrateful for not liking it. But you’re not wrong and my mom told me, you don’t have to love everywhere. And I think the best decision you can make is just to go, don’t become bitter towards the place. So I hope wherever you’re off to next is a million times better!!
Seems like this article is clickbait. Everyone has complaints about where they live, but in this case Paris makes it a headline. Anything for digital attention, eh blogger?
If that’s what you think, then you must either be one of those blind people who think that Paris is a dream place to live in, or just a hater who is jealous of the amount of attention generated by this post.
I hope you consider looking at some of my other articles as I generally don’t publish things like this. I generally post useful and inspiring travel tips with nice photos and I’ll have some lovely articles about France next month. I encourage you not to rush to judgment about me, but you’re entitled to your own opinion of course.
I wish I had met you when you were still living in Paris!!! I am probably the expat world-champion when it comes to complaining about Paris life….
Unlike you though, I have absolutely no problem pointing out that I utterly dislike the city, and why. In general, people think it’s funny and refreshing to find someone who doesn’t think this stupid city is a dream to live in… 🙂
To make a long story short, Paris is a very dirty place, it is overpopulated, obscenely expensive, and I won’t even mention the creeps that follow you or twho think they are entitled to grope your bum in public transportation.
When I see some Instagram accounts dedicated to food/wine/old buildings in Paris, I feel sick. I wonder if these people are blind or if they are all spoiled golden boys/girls who can afford to live in elegant apartments near the Eiffel Tower, and whose only occupation is to go out for brunch or drinks in fancy places.
My experience is very different from theirs and I am so ready to leave.
Thanks for sharing your experience and kudos for moving to a better place!
Hi,
I just read your post and I would like to comment on it.
First of all, I think I know what it’s like to be an Expat: I am a European who lived for quite a while in the United States.
You might not want to hear that (you mentioned that right at the beginning and at the end of your post) but I think you did give up too soon. There is something that is called the “Cultural Adjustment Curve”: After only two months you’re usually in the frustration-phase (you find everything terrible and think moving was a big mistake). You also think that it will never get better – but usually it will. It just takes some time. You have to overcome that phase in order for things to get better. For me it was the same. The first 3 months I hated everything in the US: big things (like American politics) and small things (e.g. that Americans talk so fucking loud – reminded me of your complaint about the dog poop). But you get used to these things. And at some point it’s as good or bad as living at home (in your case: the US).
About your job situation: I can imagine that this must have been a terrible situation and I am someone who doesn’t like being dependent on anybody. So, I can completely understand that this was very difficult – in addition to adjusting to another culture. However, I can’t really believe that even though you did research on this topic, you honestly thought you could get a job in Paris (or anywhere in France for that matter) without being fluent in French. I have never lived in France and I haven’t done any research on this topic but even I could have told you that this could never work. The only case, in which this would have been possible is if you work (e.g. as a freelancer) for a company abroad – but I would think that even that might be a difficult undertaking.
I don’t want to affront you or make you feel bad but it seems to me as if you were a little bit naive.
I wish you all the best in the future!
Hi Philly,
I do know the cultural adjustment curve, but we had some ugly practical realities that limited our time in France before the move. I wish we had a bit more time to adjust before we left, but it is what it is.
Keep in mind that my partner got a job in France without any French as a skilled professional and we know others in a similar situation. I should say that we had a quick decision between two very difficult places and Paris was actually the better place in terms of job prospects/cost of living if you can believe that.
That said, I do think freelancing online or having your own business is a very good option for those moving to France with working rights. It really seems to be the main way that most expats I met in France get by.
Anyways, thanks for sharing your experiences. I’ve been so curious how some of my European friends would fare in the US work environment. I think the attitude towards vacation time in the US is the bit that always seems to shock them the most when they hear about US working culture, but I’m curious if that was your experience as well.
We’re happy now and that’s what matters to me. 😉 Merry Christmas!
I study French in Paris And many many expatriates work here without French language
Hello Karen…please feel free to reply here as I recently relocated from Texas to Paris and you can imagine my dilemma when I am accustomed to southern hospitality!
Best of luck
D
Hi Catherine,
I really hope things get better. I SO recommend the Grumpy Expat group for finding awesome people (and having a safe space to complain).
I think my feeling here are very clear (and honest) although I honestly hope that things improve for you very soon. It’s really tough looking for a job after you’ve moved to a new place. Remember that if your spouse is French, you two get the ability to move elsewhere in the EU where it might be a bit better for you work-wise as Paris is a tough job market.. especially if you’re not fluent. If you need any inspiration, feel free to check my posts about expat life in the Netherlands (where we’ve moved since Paris).
I’m a New Yorker myself, so the southern hospitality thing was actually quite foreign to me at first, but I’ve grown quite accustomed to it. 😉 Just be sure to ALWAYS greet people when you enter a shop in Paris. It feels just a little American in that way although Paris reminds me more of New York than another city that I’ve known.
Sorry for the slow response and merry christmas! 🙂
Best,
Karen
I agree with the above. You gave up to soon. I’m a Belgian expat in Canada (now a permanent resident) and all of what you mentioned is virtually the same for most countries. Most employers are a reluctant to hire expats for the simple reason that most of them either have/will have visa issues or just leave after a few months. Usually when you arrive in a new country you should get a job that is probably “below” your skill level. However, once employers see that you have lived for a year or so in the country, and even better if you managed to get a permanent residency everything becomes much easier (it was for me).
Also, the truth is that the Netherlands, Belgium and maybe Sweden are probably the only countries in continental Europe where you can find fairly easily a well paid English only job. Outside of those countries I would say that you need to fluent in the respective nations language in-order to find a reasonably well paid job.
I would like to give a bit of advice for Americans regarding the job search and culture in Europe in general (I’m a Belgian that lives in Canada so I have a bit of an understanding of both job cultures and their differences). What you need to understand is that in France it is extremely difficult for an employer to fire you. As such, they are less likely to hire you. They won’t just “give you a shot” since they can’t fire you if things don’t work out for them after a very short probation period (and sometimes none). When they are hiring you you have to look in their eyes flawless. Now this might sound very discouraging but it is very normal to look months or even a year or two for an adequate job. However, once you are hired you’re in, you are extremely hard to fire and it’s very hard for them to renegotiate the terms of the contract. And don’t forget the conditions, at least 5 weeks of paid holidays (on average 8 weeks), sick leave with pay, a 35 hour work week, and if you do overtime, every hour of overtime means an extra hour of free time off, so this means that if you work a 39 hour work week you’ll get another 22 days extra besides the 5 or more weeks you already had.
What I would suggest you to do is rent a cheap studio in a suburb of Paris and get a simple job asap in-order to pay the bills. Try to work towards a permanent visa, improve your french and maybe get a french degree as well since it’s dirt cheap to study in France (always helps to have a native degree).
How you feel about Paris is how I felt living in the Bahamas! I couldn’t get a job there, it was really expensive and was not metropolitan. To this day people judge me because I didnt like it and keep telling me how lucky I was to live there and make me feel like a brat because I didnt like it. I wasn’t on holiday I lived there it makes a difference. I know whats its like to be a grumpy expat! thanks for sharing and I’m so glad you are somewhere where YOU are happy.
Well, obviously you had to leave if it felt so wrong. Generally in two months you get nothing done here. Especially if you are non-EU. You could have learned to relaaaaxxx, and learn french properly. 😀 and have good time in museums and enjoying culture. It’s so funny and unlogical that even when nothing works I still love to be here. ! I did not knew a person in Paris, either spoke any word of French but I get constantly compliments about my language 😀 no logic, no! But. Wish you great luck in Amsterdam, it’s my second favourite city!
Who doesn’t love Paris? I’ve been here 5 years now and have never been happier. My aunt left me a lovely apartment overlooking Parc —– and just the view each morning lifts my spirits. My main concern is that I don’t speak French and communicating with our Algerian maid is a nightmare. ( and I think she might be stealing). As far as food being expensive, it really isn’t and certainly fresh flowers every week is doable for everyone.
(Edited by admin to protect reader privacy. Kind reminder: Don’t include private information that gives away your address.)
Seriously? You live in an apartment that has been given to you. So I assume you dont pay rent and you have a lovely place to live.
On top of that you have a maid. So I’m assuming you have a very comfortable level of life..
Most people dont live in a a lovely apartment overlooking Parc Monceau and have maids. Most people are struggling to make ends meet and on top of that have to deal with endless bureaucracy and rude people.
Sorry but I dont think you can quite relate to what most people are referring to on this page.
Hi.
Just read this post. I’m french living in Paris and loving and hating this town sometimes in the same minute.
While reading I was quit amazed that you could had felt guilt for not loving Paris. This city can be “violent” in this way to meet expats. To be honest if I had to imagine me in the shoes of an american expats there is more chances that I hate the city rather than love it. Paris is tough.
In fact your post is really well balanced, and there is actually no reason to feel guilt for not loving the city.
I’d have to agree with the author. I’ve been living here for more than a year now and I just don’t like it here. The wages are low, taxes high and nobody speaks with you if you’re not a fluent French speaker. Furthermore, the French would rather drop dead before they’ll speak English. And don’t you dare criticise their shockingly bad public services! Honestly, the only good thing around here are the bakeries.
All in all, a garbage country filled with garbage people.
I’ve lived in multiple different cities around the world in Australia, the US, China and now France and I can easily say that Paris has been by far the hardest city for me to adapt to. It’s extremely difficult to find local friends, people generally don’t like different ways of thinking and doing things so if you don’t conform 100% you will be absolutely shat on and many people are just simply grumpy and out to step on anyone that they don’t know or care for. It definitely differs significantly from person to person though. I find that if you’re someone who thinks similarly to Parisians you may not even notice these things, but if you have a significantly different way of thinking this will become very evident to you and it isn’t always so easy to change these things. But honestly I’ve found that the majority of foreigners I know who have moved here have found it extremely difficult to adapt, at least for the first year or two. All that being said there are wonderful things about Paris and plenty of wonderful people (including Parisians). If you come across the right people and make an effort to integrate it can become a great place to live. But in Paris you really have earn it, it won’t just happen on its own like I’ve found it can in other cities, especially in the US.
Hi, I’m a student in Paris and I cried when I read this. I’m feeling excatcly the same, I want to leave. But my parents and my boyfriend they won’t trust me if I told them I hate Paris. They always tell me that I don’t try hard enough, that I’m being lazy, they blame it all on me. And you are right, I don’t need to live anyone else’s dream. I will leave as soon as I graduate. Thanks for sharing. I’m glad I found your post 🙂
Hey Elle,
I’m glad that you found this and I really hope that things improve soon for you. Support from family/friends is integral to being happy and I hope that you find someone that you can trust to talk to honestly as a good friend who gets it can make a huge difference. Sometimes being happier involves making an effort to move on as well as steps to make things more tolerable. For me, that involved going out to do more photography walks, which helped a little. Don’t give up yet and you’ll be out of there soon. Apply far and wide once you’re done with that degree!
Kind regards,
Karen
Actually, I find many of your points pretty much your own fault, instead of negativities in Paris. First of all, if you are in the USA, would you get a job, if you don’t speak English? Probably not. So why do you expect the French to give you jobs if you don’t speak their language? I mean, it is not THAT difficult to learn a foreign language. Most of the Parisians speak well English (own experience). If they can learn English it is only polite, especially if you live there, to learn their language. Then the bureaucracy. Well: if you spent 4-5 hours at an office, again, that is your fault. Most cases can be solved digitally nowadays and it is very seldom that you actually have to go to an authority…. again, I think, if you had learned French, these experiences would not have happened to you because you would have known, to what office you’d have to go or whether a certain issue could be solved digitally. As for the dog poop, this is a common problem in the whole of Europe. I don’t know about the States in this regard… but at least it is under penalty fees, if they catch you not picking up after your dog…
Hi Karen,
I am have moved to Paris since last October to start a new work in research. I come from Latin America but I am here as a British citizen. It was good to read your article and comments from other people which might be not so happy here.
In my case I am very happy at work and somewhat happy with the infrastructure of the city. My main source of unhappiness is the “social isolation” mainly caused by the fact that I am not a fluent French speaker. I also find the French (and the Parisian in particular) hard to socialize. Moreover, dating here (I am single) seems unreasonably difficult (I already lived in 4 different countries before all in major cities and I never felt so isolated as here).
Well done on writing such a refreshingly honest blog post. I am an expatriate unhappy abroad and have been called “negative” when I have made honest comments about living in a repressed, boring and unfriendly city in Switzerland, not Paris. Why don’t I move? It is taking some time to find a job that is on par with the one I gave up to move abroad and I am adamnant that I will not settle for less after this disappointing and difficult experience. Part of being a global citizen is being open-minded about different cultures. Being a global citizen does not mean enduring unecessarily challenging or isolating conditions and it is silly to pretend to be stimulated by a culture which you are not. There are mindless expats out there who seem to have “awesome” on repeat and who act out a caricature of “the outgoing traveler”. I’d like to see them relax and be themselves and to make honest comments about their lives abroad. Many even pretend to save more money than what they do. As for the language, I don’t know anyone who has moved to a French speaking city and become fluent in French, in spite of taking a number of language courses. The most judgmental of people who I have met on the topic of language acquisition are native French speakers or those who have a background in European languages. I’d like to see them move to Africa and become fluent in Swahili within a year. It is also harder to take on a new language when there is a culture that does not welcome foreigners, who by the way are not at the mercy of the host country, nor should they sacrifice themselves to meet local expectations. Thank you for your comments about the guilt that one can feel when they don’t love their new city and cannot be grateful for the experience. Keep on blogging in your open and honest style, thumbs down to the facade!
Hi,
I found all of your comments so interesting, and true. Its great that people are honest. I lived in Switzerland as the trailing spouse 12 years ago, it was hard, lonely and we moved back home after 6 months.
I am about to be the trailing spouse again, but this time to a different place. What did I learn from last time that I will remember this time?
To give it longer than 6 months, that life as an expat is difficult wherever you are, to learn the language, to accept that I won’t find work for a long time, and to be happy. Life as a stay at home parent and being the trailing spouse to someone who has a better career than you is hard and lonely even in your own town.
If you want your own career, to be able to speak your own language, etc then maybe just stay at home and holiday in these places and maybe have a bit more sympathy for the ‘expats’ of different countries living in your home town.
🙂
Hi Anon, Switzerland is hard and so are the French and French speaking Swiss, hang on in there. Among the rude, unkind and unhelpful people I met, I did meet a handful of lovely, kind and helpful other expats and even locals.
I also had a medical issue in Switzerland and was treated with respect and kindness in the Swiss hospitals and will never forget the nurses who took me down to theatre and told all the rest of the staff that I was English and they all switched from talking in French to English.
Hope you find some friends and start to enjoy the towns and scenery, as that cheered me up quite often.
🙂
Hi Karen, I just read your post with interest. There’s a potential role within my company in Amsterdam but I was also thinking of Paris. I speak ok French – I’d be willing to learn though. The company would move by myself and my wife (both UK citizens). I’m not 100% sure of Amsterdam – I don’t speak any Dutch although I’m attracted by it’s location. Do you speak any Dutch? I guess it’s easier to live than Paris – hence you returning.
Hi Tim,
I learned Dutch while living in Amsterdam, which is fairly uncommon in Amsterdam among English native speakers. It’s actually a bit hard to learn Dutch in Amsterdam as English is so widely spoken in international workplaces. I think that Amsterdam is a great place for expats to live and fairly easy all considered. I know a lot of foreigners who exclusively worked in English in Amsterdam and never learned. I have many articles about Amsterdam, including housing in Amsterdam and cost of living in Amsterdam, that you can check. I’d encourage you to take Amsterdam over Paris if you have concerns about integrating and both of you finding work.
Best,
Karen
Not a francophile, doesn’t speak French, spent two months. So non applicable. Oh wow, the courage to be negative about something you were always ill-suited for. Just nullifies my looking at any other opinions.
I am retired and live part-time in Paris. Learning a foreign language well becomes more difficult with age, and the US school system (at least when I attended school) was just not set up for students to achieve bilingualism. Yet the French natives who live in NYC, in my view, regard this as a fact of life, and some French parents actually send their kids to US schools to achieve English language fluency. Americans tend to be very naive in this respect.
Good post. We spent four years in Paris and loathed it. We still have a second home in France which we love to visit but are so glad not to be in Paris. For us it was too dirty, unfriendly and insular. The homelessness problem was terrible when we were there and it seems to have got worse. We both speak fluent French so that wasn’t the problem. I always say that Paris is nice for a visit but not to live. One other point, we are a same sex couple and attitudes in Paris are about 25 years behind the UK, Sweden and the Netherlands (the countries we know best). So conservative and reactionary. Very glad to be out of there and sounds like you are too. Good luck to everyone who’s still there and if you love it, good for you. A chacun son gout, each to his own taste!
Wow I loved this article!! It’s basically everything I think and have been through since arriving a year ago. I am fluent in French, worked with French companies in London, my hometown, for over 15 years and still struggle to get an interview. Everything in Paris is prohibitive to human life in my opinion. If you have children it’s even worse as the only way to successfully navigate the city is by car. I wish you were still here so we could complain together! I have actually decided to start my own business as I am so fed up of the xenophobic attitudes of this country. I hope you found somewhere you can be happy x
Hello Karen,
Thanks for your post. I’m not an expatriate because I’m French but sometimes I consider myself one as well. I’ve been living in Paris for 8 years but I grew up in a nice place in South of France next to Toulouse.
My boyfriend is American and has been living in Paris for 8 years as well, so I know exactly what you mean when you talk about your previous difficulties… He went through exactly the same thing his first year. Now he works as an English teacher, being moderately paid and working more than 35 hours a week (even though he has a Master’s degree). The good thing is that he’s completely fluent in French now.
However, the funny thing is even though I’m the French, my boyfriend is more adaptable in Paris than I am. For him Paris is like LA or other big cities…
I completely agree with you on the main comments I read about Paris. It’s crowded, awfully dirty, expensive, polluted and not safe.
I also feel bad in this city, especially since I’m pregnant…
We’ve decided to go back to the south of France to begin a new and better life. This city is not at all suited to start a family.
In my opinion, Paris can’t be compared to others cities in France. Paris is not France! Paris is Paris!
In the way that it’s very unique and the quality of life is really tough regarding what I had known before.
It’s a good thing you left Paris! We will do the same thing soon to settle in Toulouse! I wish you the best!!!!
I enjoyed reading this contribution, and well, whether people agree or disagree with you, you’re entitled to your opinion. I live in South Korea, which is FAR from perfect, yet many expats have settled here and even returned after leaving. I visited France in 2002 and while I don’t regret going (it was paid for as it was a biz trip), I realized that I’m not that interested in Europe. I’d much rather visit Thailand or Bali, Indonesia, than hit the Continent, and it’s partly because I’m an Asian American. At any rate, being in Paris as a tourist IS far different than living there, and a huge perk of living in Seoul is not having to speak the native language (though it’s better if you do).
I too had similar feelings recently in Paris. In January I bought a studio apartment in Paris — the 18th, not quite Montmartre. Bought it site unseen, for a good price, looked for 18 months before I found the right one. Not novice at buying property in France as five years ago I (we) bought a stone longere in Brittany — now talk about challenges. Not only did we have language difficulties (and Bretons rarely speak English) but we had to “rebuild” the house. We had to do this in the dead of winter as my BF only has the winter season off, Add to this we had to buy a car and all the problems, i.e., CT and all the problems of an aging Peugeot. After spending 5 years rebuilding (at 2-3 months a shot). It’s worth it. The Bretons are lovely people and consider themselves Bretagne first, French second.
I find thru the years that we do stepping stones: one stone can lead to another. Years back I did rent an apartment in Paris as a trail along. Had teo young children and a dog. Didn’t stay as long as planned, was homesick. But it was a stepping stone. Seven years ago started renting apartment in Paris. Alone this time, except for the dog I brought along. If it hadn’t been for this I wouldn’t have thought of actually buying a house in France. The transaction went as smooth as glass. Had a Dutch RE agent doing business in France. So for the Paris apartment I used him again. See, stepping stones.
The sale went smoothly, except the Dutch agent disappeared for the final phase. However the French RE agent who listed the sale, who felt less than fluent at English bit the bullet and we completed the sale with a melange of English and French emails.
Now the interesting part of this is the neighborhood where my studio apartment is located. It’s totally ethnic, dirty, noisey, traffic saturated and even dangerous. Large expanses of glass are spiderwebbed with kicked-in designs.Yep, the streets are smeared with dog poop and vile spit dollops. Now, if we keep the dog poop in perspective, stepping in it and transferring it to your apartment floor is probably not life threatening. But when your dog carries vile things in on his little puppy feet and he sleeps in your bed. The transfer of the spit dollops, i.e., say disease from Africa, the Middle East, yes, that’s life threatening. So, I believe the Parisiennes really don’t care about dog poop in the bigger scale of things. Thus don’t expect the dog poop to disappear.
For the new apartment I made a plan to stay for 2 months. I was really an arbitrary decision to stay that long. Furnishing the apartment and setting up utilities with EDF and contracts with property management should take a long time, I thought. To furnish the apt should take a while too, but my very ethnic street had all kinds of shops, right out of the middle east to haggle with on price — keep in mind that my French is basic, greetings, numbers, weather, menus — but when it comes to selling/buying everyone understands each other. Everything was accomplished in 2 weeks. Neighborhood exploring revealed I wasn’t that far from Sacre Coeur and a beloved neighborhood I could walk to in half an hour.
Then, of course, we have our crime. Always on the lookout for thieves on the Metro. I never walk down the street talking on my phone but on one Sunday afternoon, my daughter in California called and I debated in my mind to answer it or not. Answered it, and while I was talking it was snatched out of my hand from behind. Two young African men took off in a sprint, and I behind them. And when I say “African” I’m not being racist. That’s what the Parisiennes call them. Lots of immigrants in my neighborhood. Right next to my door entry is the —– shop. Maybe it was one of those —–? They network there; they need phones and phones are in high demand. They want to stay, but only one in four is accepted. A New York friend said to me on the incident, “If you were in NY you would have been socked in the face, and your nose broken.” I just lost a phone. It did affect me because I relied so much on that phone — to call the US, use as a hot spot to listen to French music on Spotify, to connect to the internet in the apt. I suddenly felt totally isolated. Yes, I then left Paris two weeks early, stayed 6 weeks instead of my arbitrary 8 weeks. But of course I’m going back. I like challenges, but I know the feelings of depression. I made no friends there, except for the people I bought from on the street who always wave and say “bonjour” and the —— who have a —– shop on the other side of my door, always a smile as they have the small apartment next to mine that they use as a storeroom. The wafting of the smell of onions in the early morning as they move a 300 lb bag of onions into it.
Karen, I do have the option of returning, but I will be with someone the next time, my BF. Being alone is difficult in Paris, and you have the two of you. Two months of giving it a try is not enough. I actually think you will return as an expat because you have done your stepping stone. It gets easier.
(Edited by admin to protect reader privacy. Kind reminder: Don’t include information that gives away your address…)
This was a really great read. This is what so many people deal with whenever they move out of their home country and go somewhere else. I had a couple of professors in college who had their PhD in their home country and had to basically start over. It sucks. But I guess it’s the growing pains of being an expat.
Hope you enjoy the next place you live more.
I am very interested in this subject as a budding international civil servant who is considering posts in Paris. I absolutely appreciate this blog post and find both the post and comments enlightening. I’ve heard about the (in)famous bureaucracy in abstract, but so much not in detail (with the exception of one native French friend’s comment on how much easier of a time he had getting a driver’s license in New York City than he did in Paris!) Do you mind my asking what administrative tasks I should prepare/brace myself for in the event I do decide to accept a post in Paris (opening a bank account, getting utilities setup, any local ID)? I anticipate some onboarding assistance (from the hiring organisation) regarding lodging. Many thanks for the insight!
This cracked me up. As a French teacher and francophile, I lived in Paris for years and I can agree that if you don’t reaaaaaally want to be there (I totally wanted to be there) or don’t have a lot of money (I didn’t), the city can chew you up and spit you out! Did you know that the Japanese have a syndrome for the shock of discovering that Paris isn’t what they thought it would be?? Poor things arrive in Paris and are so disillusioned they need therapy. Enjoy! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris_syndrome
Very good read, thank you.
I don’t live in Paris, but I have lived and do live in France for 3 years. This post spoke to me, because I have many of the same issues, although outside of Paris. I imagine the pollution, rudeness, competition and dirt are worse in Paris compared to where I have lived and do live now.
My language level is still intermediate, and it is really a struggle to improve when few people will speak to me because I am not fluent. I honestly don’t care if someone just speaks to me; I understand, it just takes some time to reply. But I am a good listener…I promise!
I still take hours of courses each week, but it is clearly not enough. I thought that after 3 years, it would be better. I suppose I just don’t get enough speaking practice. I rarely complain about these things outside of my house (even online), because people will usually gaslight, or say that I should just leave. I would leave, but my S.O. is French, so I stay. The gaslighting can be difficult especially when coupled with insults about my country (I am American). Yet, when I complain about French bureaucracy, every French person with 1 km will tell me to stop speaking badly about their country, even though they know it is true.
I too have advanced degrees, but they mean nothing because I cannot get a professional job given my intermediate level of French. So, the pressure of starting life over again in the 30s zaps my energy for improving in the language. Unfortunately, I am also a person of color, so I’ve had some not great experiences in France based upon that. Of course being from the USA, I am very familiar with racism, but this, coupled with nationality and language, can all be too much at times.
Some people in the comments say that it gets better with time, and I hope that they are right. I’ve already given 3 years, and I am unsure if I can stay 5+ years…maybe, as someone else said, I will have to sell my soul.
Anyway, thanks again for your post. I just wanted to state that many things you said about Paris could be applied to various places in France. It means a lot to me to know that there are others who agree.
Best wishes.